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 Question:   Can You Really Just Choose Happiness? 

How can that be?  Who wouldn't "choose" happiness if actually given the choice...right?? 

Choosing happiness can be confusing to some people, I know.  As weird as it sounds, it can feel like too much work, like a whole other job.  

It's a concept that takes some getting used to to wrap your brain around it.  That's why I recommend that you work on understanding, interpreting, and practicing the concept with small daily choices. 

Now some people would say (and I've coached a few!)  "if I choose what makes me happy (for example for lunch today), I would choose chocolate cake and cheetos."    

And I get that.  And sure it would make you happy for the 15 minutes you are eating it.  But what about later?  

You have to consider situational happiness is different from a deep value based happiness.  Truly happy people are hopping from one happy moment to the next.  They're not out there looking for the next high. 

 You also instinctively KNOW that's not going to contribute to your overall happiness, don't you?   

In fact that's a big mistake, BIG OLD HONKING MISTAKE (as one of my clients says) to try to string together superficial moments of happiness.  

It's about value based happiness. What appeals to your soul, to who your are, to what you believe in, to what you attribute importance. 

And I'd bet your health and well being is fairly high on that list, isn't it?

So while chocolate and cheetos might appeal to your superficial happiness, it literally DETRACTS and CONTAMINATES your overall happiness.

Get it? 

Happiness is by-product of making not the silly jumping on the couch choices of your life, but the deeply valued, satisfaction, feel good about me kind of choices.  

Yeah...you get it.  So what you going to do about it - your choice! 

See you tomorrow -- kathy 

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The difference in being happy ... or not

Choosing things comes pretty naturally to us humans.  I can choose chocolate ice cream over strawberry any day, and choose blues over browns without hesitation.  

But can we really just simply choose a happier life? 

If you mean a life that fits who you are, that is full of things that you value, is predicated on a sense of meaning  - (how's that all sounding to ya?!)

...then yes, I believe that we can make those choices.   

Life is usually what we make it.  And while there are things that none of us can control --

-- BUT...there are many many many MANY things that you are in charge of....  

who you hug every day
what you eat
what time you get up, and go to bed
what position your desk is in, or your couch 
what music you listen to
what television, and how much
how much you smile
how much you exercise
how much you spend
who your friends are
what you wear
what you think
how many vacations you take
how you spend your Saturdays 
how you spend your evenings

I could go on and on and on...YOU are in charge of many many many things every minute of your life.  

Right this minute you are in charge of how you are sitting in your chair...how much light is on your monitor...whether your feet are on the floor...what you are wearing...what else you could be doing instead of reading this blog.  *grin*

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Choose Consciously.  Make sure that you are choosing things that make you happy. 

Make an effort to decide that YOU choose how to spend your time, money, energy, and spirit - not mother-in-law, not unpaid bills, not fear.  As long as you accept the consequences, and make the choice with your eyes, heart, and spirit open, you’ll feel more in control. 

Consciously choosing your TV time, or surfing time, is a lot different than just realizing you spent 4 hours clicking channels or a mouse. 

Start small.  With what you wear, what time you get up, what you eat. 

 Like puzzle pieces, they will add up - piece by piece.  

See you tomorrow -- kathy 

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Big Dreams Come True
Haven’t you often wondered why some people are able to transform their lives and move from one success to another, while other people’s lives never seem to change?    

Studies show that the difference is not intelligence, education, or family background. And we all seem to know people who have tremendous advantages and throw them away, and others who start with nothing and then go on to achieve great things.  

And it's certainly not "luck".  Like me, I bet if you are honest about it, the 'luckiest' people you know are also those who work the hardest, keep trying, asking, experimenting, putting themselves out there.  Not those sitting at home whining and waiting on love and money and happiness to arrive in a FedEx box.

So what is it?  

Here’s the secret:  People who are successful at getting what they want out of life-- big or small-- are able to hold two very different images in their minds at the same time.   

• They are able to clearly see a long-term goal that is important and exciting to them (aka “the pull”).   

• And based on that picture, they focus on the daily steps and tasks that are immediately in front of them.   

Benjamin Franklin said, “Motivation is when your dreams put on work clothes”.  Without putting “work clothes” on your dreams, they just stay a nice thought, a wish.  

See you tomorrow -- kathy 

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Ending Procrastination Practically 

How can 'choosing life' help you manage your procrastination?    

There is a goal setting system called the S.M.A.R.T system.  It's an acronym to help you remember how to evaluate your goals, your choices. 

The S stands for "specific". 

Make your goals, your choices (when you are choosing your life) as specific as you possibly can.  For example, if your goal in choosing a happier life includes "buying a house", or "building a house", then don't keep it floating out there in the vast wasteland of your mind. 

Be able to really "see", visualize your home.  What city is it in (and know why you chose that), what school district, what part of town, even what neighborhood you'd like to buy a house.  Drive around there, look for houses for sale, know what you need, know what you're saving your hard-earned dollars for. 

It's just too hard to save for something that seems like a "nice idea", but isn't something you feel can ever really be real.  

I've heard story after story of people even deciding they want to buy a particular house (maybe a friends, or a friend of a friends).  They save and plan and work toward that goal, drive by the house often to think about it, and imagine and visualize what their life will be like...

...and just when they are ready, it comes on the market! 

Maybe a bigger part of your choosing happiness, choosing life is about starting your own business, or finding the right relationship, or managing your time better.  

It doesn't matter what your goal is.  The process is the same. 

S = specific

See you tomorrow -- kathy 

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Ending Procrastination  Can Be Simple! 

If you've read my tagline quote above -

"What we call the 'secret of happiness' is no more a secret than our willingness to choose life."  Leo Buscaglia, Author --

...then it's probably obvious that yes, I truly believe that you can manage the procrastination in your life by CHOOSING LIFE. 

By saying YES to what makes you feel satisfied, good, loved, effective, important, efficient, understood...(fill in whatever word appeals to you).  

Choosing.Life.   Choosing.Happiness.

It's just that simple. 

Let me say this perfect clear.  If YOU are depriving yourself of something in your life due to procrastination, it really due to lack of planning.  

If you can't go on the vacation you want to, it's from lack of planning.

If you don't get to work on time 99 out of 100 tries, it's from lack of planning.  

You either choose happiness, and therefore PLAN FOR IT, or you don't.  

Success people are planners.  Sure, there's the 1 in a million story of the person who was just in the 'right place' at the right time.  

But that's not the average.  That's not Oprah Winfrey, or Steve Jobs, or Bill Gates, or Hillary Clinton, or  (name your own successful person)....  

Those success stories, the ones you hear over and over and over are the ones who VALUE THEIR TIME. 

Choose Life.  Plan for your happiness.  Choose what you'll have in your life, and make it happen.  Stop Procrastination by Planning and Acting.  

From writing a best seller, to owning your own business, to being able to afford a fancy car, to having a great relationship...

It all begins with Planning.    

See you tomorrow -- kathy 

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Procrastination?  Is there a simple answer? 

Is procrastination winning in your life?  Have you let the unruly child in your off it's leash?  

Those who LIVE WELL know that procrastination with things you don't want to do, will also crowd out and create procrastination for things YOU DO WANT TO DO.  

Can you stop procrastinating?  Is it a habit?  Is it controlling you like an addict?  

Try this experiment and see.  Pick one thing you procrastinate on in your daily life.  Something simple, like being late to work, or not opening your mail, or not keeping up with the dishes, or even waiting to stop to get gas until the very very scary last minute.

  Think about it a bit, and pick something fairly small, but aggravating in your daily/weekly life.   

Tomorrow I'll tell you what to do about it.  You won't believe how simple it it.  And you probably won't BELIEVE that it is EXACTLY what people who are on top of things use in their life every single solitary day.  

Every day.  Just like showering or eating or sleeping.  Every day.  

Because it's just that simple.  

See you Monday -- kathy

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God Bless America

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Living a Happier Life
So...what did you come up with?  Was answering the question what "living an easier life" means to you as easy as you thought it was?  Or did it take some thought.  

I tell you a secret - it either took some thought now, or you've already given it thought.  If neither of those applies to you, then I'd just about guarantee you that your answer is either unrealistic, or an answer given to you by someone else.  It's not yours.

And that won't make you happy, now will it?  

So try again -- what does "living an easier (translation:  happier) life mean to you on a personal level?

See you tomorrow -- kathy 

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Living An Easier Life
What does "living an easier life" mean to you?  You see that's a very individual, personal, UNIQUE thing.  

In order to create it, you first have to be able to clearly, concisely, intelligently, articulate it.  

Tell me in 10 words or less what "living an easier life" means to you.  (I'll wait).  

See you tomorrow. -- kathy 

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Practicing Happiness Every Day
Continuing with the ideas below - that practicing happiness is the way to a happier life - how are you PRACTICING happiness in your daily life?

What are ways to practice happiness?

1.  Get outside.  I used to take "sunshine" breaks when my friends would go outside the office to smoke a cigarette.  Take a healthy happiness break, go outside, breathe, relax, roll your shoulders, smile. 

2.  Lighten Up.  Get rid of 5 things every day.  Shred 5 things that are taking up space in your files, recycle 5 magazines, give away 5 pieces of clothing you haven't worn in a year, throw out 5 things that are trash.   Lighten your life, make room for some happiness  

3.  Decide you are ok.  You have weaknesses and strengths, and you are ok with both.  Not excusing yourself, but accepting them and how they both affect your happiest life and those you live and love with, and finding the best way to deal with them.  

There's HUNDREDS/THOUSANDS/MILLIONS of small ways to practice happiness in your daily life.  Maybe it's an afternoon snack that helps you feel better all the way to dinner; or jamming to music up loud on the way home from work.  Do what makes YOU feel happier, healthier, and more satisfied with your life.  

Practice happiness every day. 

See you Monday - kathy

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What Do You Believe? 

I've been told that I'm a 'bottom- line' kind of girl - so here's the Bottom-Line:  Your Belief.  Do you believe that happiness is something that some people have and some don't?  Or something that arrives in your life when it chooses?  Or is it something that you have to create, to seek after, to pursue (as in the right to the pursuit of happiness)?

Personally...I've studied happiness alot.  And I've lived both with happiness in my daily life and without it.  And I believe that...

Happiness has to be PRACTICED, chosen, created...daily.  

How are you practicing happiness today?

See you tomorrow -- kathy

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Happiness in all the SMALL places.  

Today is my hubby's "half-birthday".  Ever heard of that?  

His birthday is actually Dec. 27, and that's just a difficult time of year to put energy into a birthday.  So years ago, I heard the story of a woman who had a lot of kids, and in order to have a way to make them feel special, stand out, and get extra attention, she came up with 'half-birthdays' - the day halfway through the year. 

I thought it would work great for somebody like hubby who really only gets half a birthday on his real birthday.  

So on June 27, we celebrate his HalfBirthday.  We play with it, no rules.  I get him 'halfacake', (sometimes cupcakes), this year it's a "cake" made from peanut butter cups; half a present (like shorts are half a pair of pants), half a card (those kinds that are just one page)... you get the idea.  

It's fun. That's all it's about.  Showing love, having fun.  No rules.  

Do something just for fun today.  Show someone love, just for fun.  Don't expect anything in return, do it JUST FOR THE JOY OF DOING IT.  

Happiness is found in the smallest of places.  Put a smile on your own face, don't wait for someone to do it for you.  

See you tomorrow -- kathy 

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If you're a blog reader, or client, you know that one thing I remind you alot about is that DAILY HAPPINESS can be found in the smallest places. 

If your daily routine is set up to frustrate you, or make simple things feel like a " big honkin' ordeal" (as one of my clients colorfully put it), then any happiness (which is a byproduct of living a life that you enjoy, not something you can pick up at the grocery) you may have created will all leak out like a bucket with holes in it. 

You can fill that 'bucket' up over and over and over, but as long as those holes are in it, your happiness will continue to be drained out.  

(Conversely, a bucket will also get FULL with drop by drop by drop... but that's for another day's analogy).   

PLUG those little holes that are draining your daily happiness.  Look around...what's zapping your energy?  

A messy desk - or whole house - make everything you try to do a giant exercise in frustration?  

Does everyone (including the spouse and kids) line up outside your office to get you to make decisions or do work that they could/should make/do on their own? 

 Are you too tired because you don't get enough sleep, or exercise, or good food, or plain old fun?  

 Are you paying late fees on movies, water bills, library books because you have no system to handle getting things like that done? 

Those "little" things are LEAKING your happiness every single day.  No matter how full you start the day, by the end of it, it's leaked out.  

Make it your mission to plug just ONE of those leaks this week.  Permanently!!  Not a quick fix, not a part-time fix, not a temporary fix.  

PLUG IT... 110%!  Start.Now. Then plug another one.  

See you tomorrow -- kathy 

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True Secret of Happiness

 I'm going to start this week off by sharing a true secret of happiness with you. 

It's... wait...ready?...

...just 4 little words --"That's OK with me."

Now the context that I mean that phrase in is this:  

Whatever you do in your life, from small things like staying up late on Sunday night or keeping a clean (or not so clean) house...
to bigger things like impulse spending that puts your budget in a pinch...
to the biggest things like managing your relationships, taking care of your heart and spirit...

...whatever you CHOOSE to do, if you can honestly and sincerely say, "that's ok with me" - "that feels ok" - "I'm doing that because I want to, because it fits with a goal I have (even if it's not something you just love to do)...

I mention that because people can get hung up on the idea that life is suppose to be all wonderful and only things that you absolutely enjoy.  But what about mopping the kitchen floor, or exercising, or paying taxes.  None of those things would (at least for ME) be classified in the "fun" department, but each one DOES contribute to a goal I have.  And therefore...

...that's ok with me. 

And that will give you happiness in your life. That will put a smile on your face.  Not the jumping off of couches fun every minute of every day. 

But a sense of satisfaction, of understanding, or contributing to a bigger picture...even while mopping and cleaning and paying taxes.  

Think about it.  Be honest.With.Yourself.  Know why you do something, what it contributes to, if you signed up for it, agreed to it.  Or if you are feeling pushed, pressured, or if you just never gave it enough conscious thought.  

Defend your decisions. Be an Adult.  Decide what's ok with you as a thinking, rational, honest, loveable adult, what's in line with your beliefs, your values. 

That's ok with me - this is what I want in my life, this contributes to my goals, my happiness ingredients.  Happiness 101.  Simple as that.  

See you tomorrow.  -- kathy 

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Where Happiness Hides

I believe that happiness hides in all kinds of places in our lives.  Big ones, like primary relationships, money, jobs.  But also in the smaller ones like getting enough sleep, or paying the bills on time, keeping up with the laundry.  

There are many many many ways that YOU can affect your daily happiness.  Big or small. 

Like your job.  You spend a lot of time there.  If you dislike your job, your happiness quotient will automatically go down.  

Now, I'm not advocating that everyone out there who's dissatisfied with work, quit.  In fact, quite the OPPOSITE.  

What I would like to see you do is take a close HONEST look at what it actually is about the job you don't like. 

Is it the commute?

Is it the culture, the people, the industry standards?

Is it lack of satisfaction with the type of work?

Do you prefer to work alone most of the time, or with a team?

What I find motivating and interesting and satisfying may not be what you find motivating and interesting and satisfying.  

 Start today, deciding what INGREDIENTS will equal your own personal brand of job happiness.  

See you Monday -- kathy 

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Born Under A Lucky Star? 

The truth is while talent and genius are helpful to create a successful - happy - life, the real winners in life - the people who are genuinely happiest in their life...

(drum roll please)...

... simply have better systems.  Well thought-out, preplanned ways to incorporate what makes them happy.  

They aren't sitting around waiting on the FedX guy to deliver "happiness" in a box to their doorstep.

They create systems to help them get it on a daily basis. 

What are YOU waiting on?  

See you tomorrow -- kathy 

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Goal Setting 101

I'm going to make a controversial statement here, and I hope it doesn't end up on CNN as breaking news...

"When you make a commitment to a goal, you must make it not only mentally, and physically, and also EMOTIONALLY."

Well... ok, not that much breaking news, I hope.  

But this comes as a surprise to many people.  Is it to you?  

You make a goal - let's say "lose 10 lbs".  Mentally, it's in your head.  Then physically, you pick a diet, you get rid of temptations, you plan your meals.

Oh... you get stuck there too?

But what about the emotional part?

Making a commitment EMOTIONALLY means that you are aware of, and committed to MANAGING the emotions that WILL COME with your goal.  You are going to get tired, you are going to get frustrated, you are going to get mad.  

But if you make the commitment emotionally, you are able to recognize them, and still MANAGE them, to allow you to keep focused on your goal and not get derailed.  

And that's success.  In a nutshell. 

See you tomorrow. - kathy 

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How do you prioritize?  

How do you decide what's most important in your own life?  

Sometimes it's easier to see other people's issues and things they "need" to prioritize instead of your own, isn't it?  For example, the other day, I was reading an article about Pres. Bush's priorities for the next 18 months - what he thought they should be, and what the American public thought they should be.  

The country's priorities are pretty easy to see (iraq, immigration, education, economy, energy, health care...) no matter what order you put them in.  

And that's the first step for you too...simply list the things in your life that you'd like to put your effort in for the next 12 months.  What do you feel would have the biggest impact on your life?  What's most pressing right now?  

My ideas, for my life, are likely different than yours. Perhaps I've been working on my weight for the past few years, and I'm ok with where it is.  But you feel that changes in your health routine would make a huge difference in your life.  

It doesn't mean that I "drop" my weight/health habits off my priority list...but it could mean that they aren't my top focus, because I've set them into a habit, a routine, that is on autopilot and it's easier to put my concentration on something else.    

When it's YOUR OWN priorities, you are the final judge.  YOU are in control.  You pick what to focus the bulk of your attention on at any one time, for any reason you choose.  

It's all about YOU.  Your HAPPINESS is all about YOU.   

Start by listing 10 priorities.  Things that are most important to you.  Then beside each one, write WHY it's important to you.  (not why it "should" be, now why your mother tells you it ought to be, but what deep in your heart's desire tells you it IS.) 

Get in touch with your priorities.  Start NOW!  Make that List - kathy 

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Family

As I told you last Wed, over the weekend, we had our annual Family Reunion.  With family scattered all around, having something once a year (without the pressures of Christmas time) that allows us all to connect, enjoy, and feel a part of a family is important. 

 Research even shows how important it is to children to understand that they are a part of something bigger than themselves, their immediate family -  that people in their family have conquered problems, overcome troubles in their lives, lived through history, made successes of themselves.  

It gives them confidence, and hope for themselves.  

  And it's also just fun!  It takes effort.  Of course.  But anything worthwhile, anything fulfilling, anything that feels rewarding does.  

  I hope you find ways to connect with your family too.  Take the www.realage.com test, and you'll see how family (whatever you define that to be) is as key to a healthy happy life as eating well, exercising, and sleeping.  It's a CORE ingredient.  

See you tomorrow - kathy

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Positive Side of Goal Setting

Have you ever thought about the positive side of goal setting? 

I mean, how many times when you set a goal, do you say something like...

 "I'm not going to over spend my budget any more."  or "I'm not eating Oreos ever again."  or "I'm not running around here late and frustrated trying to get out of the house any more."  

That's the NEGATIVE side of goal setting.

What you forgot was the POSITIVE side.  What will you do instead?  If you just say "never again", you create a hole, and life's like this, something will get pulled into to fill that up. 

Think of your goal.  What will I DO?  Not what you'll stop.  What do you want INSTEAD?  What game plan can you understand, accept, live with?  

Positive.  It works.  

BTW, I'll be out of town at a family reunion for the next few days, so I'll see you all back here on Monday!  

SMILES -- kathy 

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"7 Habits of Highly Successful People" (Stephen Covey)

1.  Be Proactive

2.  Begin with the end in mind

3.  First things first

4.  Think win/win

5.  Seek first to understand, then to be understood.

6. Synergize principles of creative communication.

7. Balanced Self Renewal

Choose just ONE and practice it to the fullest.  Guaranteed results.  

See you tomorrow -- kathy 

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Systems

I talked about how "systems" help you avoid procrastination.  Systems help life.  Period.  They help avoid procrastination, they help control frustration, they help you accomplish goals.  I talk a lot about Systems in my book, "7 SECRETS".  

Systems are small ones and big ones.  Simply they are a strategy that you set up that helps you get your work done. 

In your place of business (and perhaps at home too) you have many systems - filing systems, accounting systems, hiring systems.  System means a method, a predetermined way to handle something.  You don't have to figure it out each time, or remember if you did it.  You don't have to force yourself to do it, the system provides a structure, a helping hand to make the job much easier.

Imagine if you had no filing system.  Just a huge pile of paper.  Every time you want something you have to go digging through every single piece of paper. 

Life can be that way without a system too.  Just a big pile with no boundaries, no categories, no stop signs.   

A large system might be a diet plan.  You know where you are on the diet at any given time. 

Here's an example of a small system-I noticed it again just this morning:   My husband brings his glass of water from the bedroom to the kitchen with him each morning.  He sits it by his vitamins, and uses it to take them.  When finished, he puts it in the sink.  He can go on with his morning routine, or be interrupted by barking dogs, or telephone calls -- but as long as that glass is sitting by his vitamins, he doesn't have to 'remember' to take them, or afterwards remember if he took them (ever done that, frustrating isn't it?)

It's just a little system to help him do something that he considers important to his health and well being.   

I use many small systems throughout the day to help me.  I bet YOU do too.  Pay attention today, become conscious of the systems you ARE using, and places where you need to create them. 

Go System!  See you tomorrow -- kathy 

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Ready for some REAL LIFE ways to manage procrastination in your life?  

To manage procrastination, you have to start with believing it is manageable (see this weeks blog below), and then you will have to change the behavior that works against you achieving the desired results.  It's YOUR behavior, you have the ability to make different choices.  

Here are three ways to do this. 

When you recognize a particular task is difficult for you and that you continually put it off until the last minute, try designing a system to handle it, instead of just “putting out the fire” when it becomes a problem.  Instead of reacting to a singular problem, over and over, the system helps you handle the totality of it.   For example, let’s consider the problem of always feeling pressure to buy birthday, wedding, anniversary gifts at the last minute.  Set up a space (even an underthebed storage container) stocked with several cards, generic paper/bags, ribbon, and some typical gifts.  (If it's kids birthday parties that usually catch you lacking, make it about them, or if it's girlfriend birthdays then make it about them).  Or movie gift cards are generally appreciated by all ages.   Then all you have to do is keep it stocked with a few things, grab, and go.   You have set up a system, not just reacted to a singular problem.  

Get creative.   Find other ways of handling tasks. Make it more fun, or change jobs with the kids, or even a neighbor/friend.  For example, if you hate to shop, but don’t mind grooming the dogs, try bartering these services with a friend - she shops for you, and in exchange, you groom her pets.  Or if you put off the vacuuming until you could plant seeds, but don't mind cleaning out the cars, ask hubby to change jobs with you.  

If a task seems entirely too overwhelming, try breaking it into smaller ones.  Set intermediate goals to accomplish along the way.  If you want to get the inside of the house painted, pick just one wall, in one room, and schedule it, paint it.  Then schedule the next ONE wall.  Same with taxes, for example, set aside an hour each Saturday to organize, gather, etc.  Set a timer.  Work for the hour, then forget about it until the next time you have scheduled it.  Just the same exact way you accomplish projects at work, meeting by meeting.  

Be sure to set up a REWARD for yourself for a job well done. It doesn't have to be a big or expensive thing; treat yourself to GUILT-FREE time to read a magazine in the shade, or go to the beach.  Remind yourself that you did the work, kept your word, and this is the reward.  

 Now...go PRACTICE.  See you Monday -- kathy  
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"You can't escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today."  Abraham Lincoln

I like that quote - because the weird part is while you may put off what you don't want to do today, and do something you DO want to do, with the responsibility hanging over your head, you can't REALLY have a good time.  Weird, huh.  

As my story yesterday indicated, every one of us - even people who teach other people - are subject to fall into some procrastination.  

Being "perfect" all the time isn't the goal.  But if procrastination is causing you to lose relationships, or lose jobs, or feel overwhelmed, or pay late fees...then you need to get a handle on it and MANAGE IT better.  

To MANAGE procrastination, you first have to make a mental shift - 

Procrastination is not a character flaw...

You're not a bad person, not stupid, not deficient...

You are simply lacking a skill that for whatever reason, you never learned -- or at the very least (and probably more like) never PRACTICED enough for it to become comfortable.

For example, I was taught how to play the piano, but I never chose to practice enough to actually acquire it as a skill.

Same here.  You CAN choose to practice this, with purpose, with determination, with conscious, dedicated thought...

And one day it will be come as easy to you as riding a bike, or those of you who play the piano... or driving your car.  

In the beginning it will be hard, it will require effort, thought...like a diet is hard at first, or exercising, or a new job, or a savings plan.  

But it's just a skill.  A skill that requires learning how first, then PRACTICING. 

But you first must make this mental shift - stop saying you can't help it, stop saying you are "always late", stop labeling yourself a procrastinator. 

If you want the skill, it's yours for the taking.  

Shift now.  And I'll see you tomorrow -- kathy 

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Many of us are skilled at the art of procrastination.  I know I am. Writing this article is a good example of my own art of procrastinating.  I had scheduled a morning to write. I had my notes out on the desk, and the computer booted up....  

...then I went outside to have coffee on the patio, then puttered around in the kitchen, played with the dog, and mailed a letter.

For some people procrastination is habitual.  It has damaging effects. It’s easy to do things we want to do, but the things we find difficult or unpleasant are what we put off.  

If this is so easy to understand, why do we continue to practice this art so successfully? 

In my case, it wasn’t that I didn’t want to write, or that I found writing difficult or unpleasant.  

I just found it hard to get started.  There were so many ways to use the luxury of that quiet morning.  

Simply, procrastination is just a habit of making the wrong choices. It’s choosing to take a nap instead of mowing the lawn.  It’s opting to socialize with a co-worker instead of working on a project.   It’s cleaning off your desk instead of getting prepared for a meeting. It’s checking out who’s on “The Today Show” instead of writing an article. 

Procrastination can also signal self-defeating fears. Self-doubt or a need to be perfect can paralyze you into being too afraid to even start a task. 

If you are angry about having to do a task, there will be a strong temptation to delay doing it.  A task can simply seem overwhelming. Or maybe you just don’t have the skills to do the job properly.

On the other hand, some people also get addicted to the energy, and the adrenaline high that can come with a last minute rush. 

To conquer procrastination, you will need to change the behavior that works against you achieving the desired results.  

Want to know how?  See you tomorrow (and no, that's NOT procrastination!) - kathy 

===========================

"What did you expect?"

As a child/teenager, even young adult, when I would complain about an outcome of a test, or a relationship, or a project, my mom or dad would always ask me... "what did you expect?"

Expectations are vitally important.  Being in touch with what you can reasonably expect given the circumstances is a good way to control an emotional rollercoaster.  

If a friend bails on your plans 5 out of ten times, is it reasonable to be angry, upset when she does it?  No.  Have a backup, or don't make plans in the first place, but setting YOURSELF up to be upset because of behavior she had demonstrated over and over is just ridiculous. 

If you live paycheck to paycheck with no money in reserve, is it reasonable to be shocked, angry, disappointed when an unexpected expense puts you in the hole?  No.  No more than walking straight into the ocean should shock and upset you that you got your hair wet.  

If you don't finish a project at work or time, or if you arrive at the office late every morning, is it reasonable to expect your boss to be happy with you and offer you promotions and raises?  No.  

What did you expect?

Check your expectations...what are they based on?  Have you given your best, so you can reasonably expect the best outcome?  

Expect the best from yourself!  

See you tomorrow -- kathy 

=========================

Happy Monday, June 04, 2007

Is it a happy Monday for you?   Part of that determination is of course circumstances out of your control, like if you had a tragedy over the weekend, or if a storm (physical or figuratively) is brewing in your life.  

But putting those things aside - there are things we can't control but SOOOO many that we can --

A happy monday will be determined by the choices that you made over the weekend. 

On Friday we talked about anticipation, preparedness, and how it leads to a happier life. 

I got a lot of comments about that over the weekend, so I'd like to take it a step further. 

Now this may be an ouch, but try to listen to it anyway. 

Here's the message:  If you choose in the moment, instead of what you REALLY want in your life - like choosing cheetos and chocolate cake for dinner and then complaining about your weight...

Or Mr. Right Now, instead of Mr. Right...

Or even staying at the office too much, or on your blackberry too much and not be present and available and involved in your family....  

 (here's the OUCH part) - what you're ACTUALLY doing is saying what your priorities really are. 

I told you... it's harsh.  But give it a chance. 

When you go to spend your money, or eat that cake for dinner, or lay on the couch and do nothing...

... make the thought that comes into you head be "Is this my TRUE priority?"  "Is this part of what I really want my life to be about, or just what I want right now"?

Here's a quotation for you.  "Never TRADE (because that's exactly what you're doing) what you want in the moment for what you want the MOST."

What do you want the MOST?  Are you trading it away every day?  

Think about it.  See you tomorrow -- kathy 

=========================

Friday, June 01, 2007

Happy JUNE!   Ready for summer?  

Isn't that kind of like saying "ready for (anything) that comes around routinely?  

Christmas

Taxes

Birthdays/Anniversaries

Tests in school

Projects at work

Retirement

The alarm clock every morning

My point is that "being READY" starts by getting prepared.  And in my opinion, that starts with being able to anticipate what's coming next.  

For example, if your employer didn't anticipate that he needed to pay you on Friday, and get some money ready and waiting in the bank...

... what would happen on Friday?

Could he just throw up his hands and say, "oops, sorry, I'm not quite ready to pay you yet?"

Of course not.  He wouldn't stay in business very long, would he?

And you can't live a happy life very long if you are constantly fighting crisis in your life...

...if you are constantly fighting deadlines, with no safety net, no anticipation, no preparedness.

I believe in living in the now, enjoying the now.  But I also beleive that we can hold two opposing thoughts in our head at once, and keep an eye towards the future so that we can NOT fall into the same hole over and over and over.  

Anticipate.

Prepare.

And you'll be ready.  

See you monday -- kathy 

=========================

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Feel like this guy some days?  What he needs is a safety net.

What's your safety net?

In Life Coaching, it's most often called "RESERVES"...a back up plan, a system, a bit in reserve of time, energy, love, support, understanding, and yes the tangible things like extra batteries, extra money, extra babysitters.  A backup...a reserve...a safety net.  

The catch?  They don't just show up on your doorstep in a FedEx box...you have to create them. 

And then count on them. 

You can do it! -- kathy 

=========================

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

"If you are going to achieve excellence in big things, you develop the habit in little matters.  Excellence is not an exception, it is a prevailing attitude."  Colin Powell

Does that mean that you also strive for excellence in keeping the house clean, in paying your bills, in scheduling your day, in hey...having some FUN?  

I think so.  

Where would you start to develop the habit of excellence in little matters?  

That answer is the key to your happiness.  

See you tomorrow -- kathy 

=========================

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Do you believe that knowing how to be happy, be patient, be positive is a SKILL?  Something that can be taught/learned, and practiced, just like any other skill you might learn? 

Or is it something that a few people are just naturally born with?  and others are stuck without?

Or is it totally dependent on your circumstances, other people?

Did you know your answers to those questions hold the KEY to your happiness factors?  

It's true.  Think about that.  It all starts with HOW YOU THINK.  

See you tomorrow -- kathy

=========================

Monday, May 28, 2007

Blessings to our troops.  Whether you support the war itself or not, please support the men and women who fight for your right to say whether you support it or not.  See how you can help.  Google it.  Ask.  Listen.  

Peace. 

See you tomorrow -- kathy 

=========================

Friday, May 25, 2007

Are you an American Idol fan?  

Seems like everyone is interested in the show in some way, from... can't-get-away-from-my-coworker-yapping-about- it, 
to just a casual viewer, 
to an intense watch-it-4-times-a-week Fan.  

Watching the finale this week, they showed the 'evolution' (for lack of a better work) of the finalists, how different they look and act, then and now.  

"You've grown", the judges or celebrities tell them.

You see, AI stars are CREATED, not 'born'.  Of course it's not all smoke and mirrors, hair and makeup.  They have to have talent, strengths.  But they then BUILD and GROW with that talent. 

With help of course. 

There's a parallel to REAL LIFE, I think.  We're all born with talents, strengths.  Then with hard work, choices, taking opportunities, and of course help, we either grow, and CREATE the life we want, or we stagnate. 

What do you want to do? 

Grow as a person, as a (career), as a (role)?  Or stagnate?  

Other people are getting what they want.  Why not you?

And what are you going to do about it?  

See you monday -- kathy 

=========================

Thursday, May 24, 2007

On the one hand, I think that "list makers" are born, it's just the way their brains function.  

But on the other, I clearly remember writing out lists for my mother, literally learning to spell as I wrote out her grocery lists.  

If we went to the store without a list, or to run errands, she taught to me do the "3 things" thing (as I call it).  That means, you can remember a small list, but first connect it in your brain to 3 things. 

So maybe, just maybe, list making is a skill, learned like any other, and practiced until it becomes easy and second nature.  

If so, that's even better, because if you're struggling with organization, struggling with time management, struggling with what you value, what your priorities are...

... what Just.Makes.Sense in your life...

Start with a List.  

See you tomorrow -- kathy  

===================================

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

"You put your mind to something, you give 100 percent, sacrifice and dedication, anything is possible."

Who said that?  

Actually a paraphrase of that is heard almost anytime someone achieves something, isn't it?  Olympic champs, rags to riches people like JK Rowling, people who pass the bar or other difficult professional certifications, a single mother who pulls her family out of poverty, a handicapped person who overcomes...

I could go on and on.  

But what about ordinary people, living REAL LIFE day to day lives?  Have YOU had a chance to use that phrase in your life?  

You can.  What are YOU ready to put your mind to, sacrifice, dedicate? 

I want to make it clear here, it doesn't have to be about saving the world...

Only about YOUR WORLD...

What needs your attention, dedication, sacrifice, that will make you feel amazing about what you accomplish? 

Relationship(s)

Money

Career

Health

Organization

Procrastination

Retirement

Behavior/Attitude

YOU CAN DO IT.  I can help.  What do you want to commit to today?  

See you tomorrow -- kathy

==============================

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

I ask my clients all the time..."what's the point"?  

What's the point of putting all your (usually limited) energy, time, money, spirit, heart, attitude into this?  

Another way of saying that is, "what's the reward"?

Rewards come in all shapes and sizes.  Sometimes it's tangible, like paying off a credit card gives you more disposable cash each month.  

Or earning a promotion at work. 

Or even giving yourself a reward, like new shoes when you finish cleaning out the garage. 

Sometimes it's intangible, like feeling a sense of accomplishment for getting a project finished.  

Or feeling proud of yourself for losing 5 lbs. 

Knowing what the reward is - what's the point? - and keeping it in sharp focus can help MOTIVATE you on a daily basis.  

So ask...

What's the point?  What do I get out of this?  

See you tomorrow -- kathy 

=========================

Happy Monday, May 21, 2007

Are you ready to start THIS WEEK off different than all the other weeks of your life?  

You can. 

Start by using the 4 D's to help you make conscious choices about your life, and therefore contribute to your own personal brand of happiness. 

It's easy.  

When it comes to life's daily tasks, chores, responsibilities, roles... even your free-time, even your wishes, dreams, and hopes...there are ONLY 4 choices - the 4 D's.  

Delete - stop doing it altogether.  

Delegate - make it somebody else's job. 

Delay -- postpone - this can be a good thing, or a bad thing, depending on it's context.  

Do - do it, do it right, and forget it.

There's some merit to each one of those, isn't there?  Even delay.  Sometimes we need to delay a decision until we feel more in control, or it's simply a better fit in our lives.   But I'd be remiss if I didn't remind you that delay sometimes becomes a habit, and creates more problems.  

Take a look at the assigned/accepted tasks in your life.  Everything from your work duties, to your daily living chores at home, to externally assigned tasks, like filing taxes. 

Now pair them up with the 4 Ds.  Think about Laundry, or getting a project finished at work, or taking the kids to school.  

Don't Forget to add in 'wishes, dreams, hopes'...
(starting a business, writing a book, becoming an actor, finding a great guy/girl...)

Process each one of those, like this...

"what happens if I (delete) (laundry)".  

"what happens if I (delay) (laundry)".  

what happens if I (delegate) (laundry).    

what happens if I (do) (laundry).  

Write out  - at least clearly, concisely THINK it out - the consequences, the by-product, the result of each one.  Then decide if that's what you WANT to have happen... consciously, in your life.   

"If I delay doing the 3 loads of laundry I have tonight, then tomorrow.... (the kids don't have clean towels; I can't wear that blouse I want to; I can watch "lost" on TV;...).

"If I delegate the 3 loads of laundry I have tonight to the girls, then... (I'll have to pay them; I'll have to do it again anyway because they won't do it right; I'll teach them a new skill; I'll make an agreement with them to do their own and I'll pay them) 

"If I (do)... You get the idea.  

I DO hope that you'll take some time and just start a list.  Writing out the tasks, dreams, desires of your life and see what is REALLY HAPPENING in your life. 

THE POINT IS....

It's not the decision you make.  It's yours to make, it's your life.  You choose.  But make it CONSCIOUS.  Choose whatever you want to, there's no judgment from me if you don't do laundry for 6 months.  Your choice.  Your life.  

But DO IT CONSCIOUSLY.  Don't sleep walk through your life.  LIVE CONSCIOUSLY.  

Understand, accept, AGREE to your own life.  Your own decisions of Doing, Delegating, Deleting, and Delaying.  

See you tomorrow -- kathy 

==================

Friday, May 19, 2007

The question is not how many mistakes you have made...

but instead how many of the SAME mistakes.  

Are you repeating the same behavior over and over and over and expecting different results?

Or can you 'reasonably foresee' that your same behavior will yield the same results. 

Change the behavior, change your life.  The world is at your fingertips, success is within your grasp, HAPPINESS is yours for the taking...but you'll have to change your behavior.  Start Today!  You can do it!

See you Monday - kathy 

=========================

Thursday 18, 2007

Stephen Covey's "7 HABITS of Highly Successful People"

1.  Be Proactive

2.  Begin with the end in mind

3.  First things first

4.  Think Win/Win

5.  Seek first to understand, then to be understood

6.  Synergize principles of creative communication

7.  Sharpen the Saw:  Principles of balanced self renewal

What if you just worked on the first three or 4... just HALF of the habits of successful people.  How would your life change?  

Yeah, I know!

See you tomorrow -- kathy 

=========================

Wednesday, May 17, 2007

"reasonable foreseeability" - it's a legal term, which means exactly what it sounds like -  What can you predict could or would happen from your actions, or INactions? 

I like this idea - in fact it's an actuality -  because it in effect let's us "see the future".   

For example, if you drive your car 100 miles an hour down a crowded freeway, you can probably guess that you might have an accident.  

If you stay up late every night and drag into work late every day, you'll probably get fired. 

If you smoke, you may get lung disease. 

If you throw fits and break things, you'll probably get prosecuted and sent to jail.  

Even Paris Hilton's troubles show how she had reasonable foreseeability but chose not to ANTICIPATE the consequences of her actions (or inactions depending on which media report you believe.)  

And it's not just about the big stuff in your life - if you don't do laundry for 3 weeks, you'll probably not have any clean underwear.  

reasonable foreseeability

My point is that your everyday choices (actions - or INactions) - and the results they produce are often quite predictable. 

But all the examples I've been giving have been on the negative...

what about the POSITIVE?

Can you use reasonable foreseeability to help you predict a positive result too? 

ABSOLUTELY!!

If you save a dollar today, you'll have an extra dollar tomorrow. 

If you clean up your space, and set up organizing routines, you'll have a clean organized house. 

What can you reasonably foresee - predict - from what you are doing today that will likely happen tomorrow?  

Try 5 ... 

If I ___________, I can reasonably predict that (tomorrow, next week, next month), I will _________.

Use a combination of positive and negative.  State it negatively first, then positively.  

And I can reasonably foresee that I will be here tomorrow -- kathy 

==========================

Tuesday, May 16, 2007

What are you putting up with in your life?

A difficult relationship?

An uninteresting, unfulfilling job?

No control over your finances?

Little time to yourself? 

A leaky faucet
A car that doesn't run right
Clutter
Procrastination

Even the little things in your life, like broken appliances, no printer cartridge, no plan for dinner add up to GREAT BIG STRESS...

Think about it this way.  One mosquito bite is irritating.  A THOUSAND mosquito bites will make you sick.  

Same with life.  One irritation is just an irritation.  But when you keep adding them every day, and carrying the past ones with you, they'll add up to enough to make you sick.  Sick and tired.  Tired and miserable.  Miserable and unhappy.  Sick. 

Take the Tolerations Index to help you see clearly what you're putting up with.  Then get to work eliminating them.  

See you tomorrow -- kathy 

========================

Happy Monday, May 14, 2007

Don't believe the myth...

that you can't do something about _________.
(you fill in the blank with something that's bugging you - big or small).  

                There is always a choice. 

Maybe it's not a choice you feel you can make right now...

...but that's a choice!

Maybe it's not a choice you'd ever make, but again, that is a choice. 

The point is that there are other people out there with your same problem that are making different choices than you are about how to handle it.  

There are always choices.  

Once you are willing to recognize this, then you take yourself out of 'hopelessness' and into empowerment.  

It's my choice. 

I'm choosing RIGHT NOW to .....

Doesn't mean it's the same choice you'll always make, but for the moment, this is the choice. 

            There is always a choice. 

You CAN always always keep searching, keep experimenting, keep trying, keep asking, keep believing.... if nothing else.  

Because the only difference in you and someone who is getting what they want....

... is they kept moving.  

Keep moving.  Keep believing.  Keep searching.  

Don't buy into the myth that you have no power.  

You do.  Always.  Every single day.  

Believe.  Just Today.  Believe. 

See you tomorrow -- kathy

================================

Friday, May 11, 2007

"How do you want that?" the distracted (and seemingly bored) waiter asked me.  

It was 3 in the afternoon.  I had gotten caught in a meeting, then traffic.  I had a protein bar that I'd slammed down around 11, but nothing else since my 7 a.m. Slim Fast.  

"Fast, Good, and Cheap", I replied.   "Fast, most important."  

I smiled.  It got his attention again, which was my goal.   

And fast it came.  While I was eating, I thought about that question - and answer.  Can we answer most goal setting questions the same way?

 "How do you want that goal?  Good, fast, or cheap?"  

    It will tell you your priorities right away, don't you think?  

  For example, if I want to get from Phoenix to Texas, do I want to go fast, good, or cheap?  Sure, all three would be nice, but that's not usually real life is it.  So which is most important to me?  That will dictate my decisions on transportation.  

  Ask yourself today... "What's most important about my goal of (fill in the blank) - fast, good, or cheap?".  Do that for as many goals you have as you can think of.  If you choose, go the extra step and write out a quick list of goals, then 'fast, good, or cheap' next to each one.  Then what that means TO YOU.  

  The choice is yours.  Get a grip, and get moving.  

See you Monday - kathy 

=============================  

Thursday, May 10, 2007

I've had clients tell me over and over that trying to think about how to change their WHOLE life to be happier seems totally unattainable, even ridiculous to some.  

If it's feeling overwhelming to you too, I suggest that you focus on just today. 

I know I'm happy by ...

... how much I smile, you might say. 

... how light I feel, another might say.

... how much I got accomplished, I've heard too. 

...how not guilty I feel, one man said. 

So using YOUR parameter to "I know I'm happy by..." (and make sure this is from YOUR point of view, not if he'd do that, or if the Democrats win...) ... MAKE IT ABOUT YOU...

  Using that parameter, what can you do JUST TODAY to help create that? 

Just today.  What can make you happier with your self, with your job, with your spouse, with your kids, with your boss, with your weight, with your eating, with your finances, with your home, with your office, with your dog, with your car...

Just today.  

Push through the whole life thing, collapse it down to just today. One day. 

See you tomorrow.  -- kathy 

==========================

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

I've been thinking about Self Reflection.  A client asked me why she could see to help others but had a hard time helping herself.  I think it's about self reflection. 

Now on the flip side - remember that balance continuum I talk about all the time? -- I do think that if you reflect toooo much, it will make you self critical, and that doesn't help anything.  

"Time Out" as it's now called, or plain old 'standing in the corner', as it was called when I was a kid is designed to let the child learn self reflection.  It's teaching them to think about their behavior, analyze what went wrong, and to learn from them.  Quiet time.  Self reflection. 

Maybe we could all use a bit more "time out" as adults?  

 Remind yourself that you are your own best friend.  You want to help YOURSELF analyze - NOT CRITICIZE - your actions, and then decide if they need to be adjusted.  

 Give yourself time out every day, for self reflection, self promotion, self correction.